I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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