I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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