hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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