You made me cry and you don't even care
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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