He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
