I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
