Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
