He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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