The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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