I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
They have beer where we have blood.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
