Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have fence marks all over my body
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