its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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