where does the pee come out of this thing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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