Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
