Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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