I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
