My nipple is on Facebook.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
