Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
