Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
