Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
