I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
