and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
