gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
