i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
