i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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