I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
