I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
