I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
