MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
