how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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