There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
