i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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