Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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