so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
