yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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