Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
