omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
