Buhtt sex?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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