so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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