I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
