y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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