I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
