Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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