wanna go halves on a baby?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
