Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
