Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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