I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
