tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
