I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
