The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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