You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
