i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
