Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
