help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
