I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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