thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
