Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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