I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
