my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
