Already got asked if we're dating
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
