is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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