He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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