Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
