What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i think i just lost a toe
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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