i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
