Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you're hired as official boob wrangler
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
