My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
