I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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